David Turner: his views on life and death
With cancer terminal, he spends last weeks in home hospice care

May 6, 2009

BY DAWN BAUMGARTNER VAUGHAN

dvaughan@heraldsun.com; 919-419-6563

DURHAM -- These are David Turner's last weeks. The lymphoma that began taking over the 25-year-old's body more than a year ago is now terminal.

The chemotherapy and radiation at Duke are over. Turner now receives home hospice care. And he has reached a peace with his cancer, his life and his imminent death.

"I want people to see how it's possible to have an amazing amount of strength in the face of adversity," Turner said. "If I can laugh and smile every day when I'm going to die, maybe they can see that life isn't as bad as they think it is. I want them to gain strength from me."

Turner is happier every day, he said. He is no longer burdened by the unknowns of the next treatment, test or prognosis. On Tuesday afternoon at his Durham apartment, he was laughing and joking with his mom. She has not reached the level of acceptance her son has about his upcoming passing.

A few days before he found out it was time for hospice, Turner felt he knew what would happen at the meeting with his doctor. So he sat his mom down and told her, "Mom, one way or another, I'm just ready for this to end."

It's not that he couldn't handle it, he said, recounting the conversation, "but the unknown was getting to me."

On Tuesday, Turner looked at his mother, Suzanne, who was sitting nearby. "You need to prepare yourself. For me, I've known this is coming," he told her. "People say I don't have hope, but I'm just being realistic about the situation. I'm a Vegas man -- I look at the odds."

Turner said he has mentally prepared himself for death. He believes in hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

He said he knows that losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare.

"David has been so loving and consoles people he loves, including me," Suzanne Turner said. Her son tells her he will see her again, in heaven.

"I'm selfish. I want my son. I want him here with me," she said. She said she grieves with streams of tears and primal cries. The fact that her son looks good and acts as normally as possible makes it easier in some ways, she said. She also has the support of friends, church family and others who have dealt with similar circumstances.

Turner's pain is suppressed with morphine. He has a hard time getting to sleep, but then is able to sleep around 2 a.m. for about 11 hours a night. He has night sweats. He wakes up in terrible pain, when the morphine has worn off. He takes a lot of other pills, and eats just enough to get them down. His nausea is so bad that trying to eat anything is like trying to eat while riding the Mad Tea Party tea cups at Disneyland.

David and Suzanne Turner wear dog tag necklaces inscribed with the Bible verse Romans 5:3 -- "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance." He also had the Roman numerals V and III tattooed on his wrist.

On Monday night, mother and son wrote out a will. David Turner said he'd already been working it out in his head for months. This friend will get the television, that friend will get furniture, his mother will get his cat. He also decided that his funeral will be held at his home church near Martinsville.

His final weeks are being spent at home. Physically, he's not up for many outside excursions. Any travel is too hard on him. His friends have been coming to visit a lot, especially his buddy Steve Murrer from Richmond. They play X-Box. Turner lists his other visitors -- Chad, Jason, Brittany, Kinney. This weekend his brother is coming to visit.

Turner's phone rings a lot. He helps out his female friends with their relationship problems. Instead of Dr. Phil, he's Dr. Dave, he said. He doesn't mind counseling them about things that seem minor compared to what he is going through, but he wants them to listen to him and try to change for the better.

"After these talks I feel kind of happy, that I helped someone," he said. His biggest fear -- and he has had nightmares about it -- is the faces of grief his loved ones will have when they learn that he died.

"I don't want them upset, period," he said. Turner doesn't want sadness at his funeral. "I want them to see how great a person I've become, because I wasn't always a great person," he said. Facing death brought him back to religion. If he had died in a car accident two years ago instead of facing a terminal illness, maybe he wouldn't have gotten into heaven, he said.

"I prayed one night when I was really struggling emotionally for God to give me a glimpse of heaven -- but you're not supposed to test God," he said. He has prayed and begged God to let him be an angel that goes between heaven and earth in battle for souls. Turner believes that every bit of strength he has in the face of death comes from God. Rather than praying for a cure, he has prayed for strength.

"That's the message I want to get across -- people have more strength than they think they have. They just need to believe it and ask for it," he said.

TURNER'S CANCER BATTLE

David Turner, 25, moved to Durham last spring from Newport News, Va., for cancer treatments at Duke. Despite chemotherapy and radiation, the lymphoma kept returning, and growing. He now has several large tumors and is terminal.

His mother teaches at Easley Elementary School and has taken leave for the rest of the school year to spend time with her son. A painting done in his honor by local artist Beth Palmer, called "David's Legacy," features a colorful heart and is the image on Durham's Teacher Appreciation Week poster.

© Copyright 2009 by The Durham Herald Company