David Turner's lessons

March 23, 2009

BY DAWN BAUMGARTNER VAUGHAN

dvaughan@heraldsun.com; 919-419-6563

Life is a blessing. That is the message of the series I wrote last week about 25-year-old David Turner, who is being treated at Duke for Stage IV lymphoma. In my decade as a reporter, it is one of the most-commented-on stories I've done. Many readers wanted to share their prayers for Turner, but others told me that it made them think about how short life is. Life as you know it can change in a moment. It's a lesson for people of all ages.

It was a reminder to me, too, as much as the readers. I've always been a stop-and-smell-the-roses type. Literally. I remember that life is fleeting, but from day to day, I assume that the worst won't happen. But I know it can, so you can prepare yourself mentally at least. When I was pregnant, I told my husband that we needed to discuss what would happen if I died in childbirth. He didn't want to think about it, but I wanted to be realistic. Of course, it was more likely that we'd both be killed in a car accident on the way there.

A lot of people, myself included, have health issues that may cut our lives a little shorter than the average life span. Long-range health problems serve as a nagging reminder to do what you can to avoid disaster. But we are still not prepared for illness to come on so swiftly and so aggressively as what Turner has gone through in just a year. When I interviewed him, he talked openly about his situation. He answered every question, including why he was letting the photographer and I get so personal. Mainly, it was because of that message about taking life for granted, he said. And also, people who have never been affected by cancer have no idea what it's like, he said.

If you listened to the audio that accompanied the stories, you heard Turner say that his daily life of watching television to pass the time between doctor visits might be fun for a 12-year-old, but is limiting for a 25-year-old man. Even things like going out to dinner isn't something everyone can just do.

For people who haven't had cancer, it is important to reach out to friends and family dealing with it. Most of Turner's friends and acquaintances drifted off after he got sick. The good ones stuck around. He also made new friends -- his mom's fifth-grade students at Easley Elementary School. But for the friends that left, "I just wish most would call me and keep in touch," he told me. "A lot tend to be afraid to talk to you. I think they don't know what to say. They're also afraid to see and hear me sick," Turner said.

Of course it's not easy to see someone you know and love in the hospital or weaker than you're used to seeing. It was hard to see my grandmother go through Alzheimer's disease, but that didn't mean I stopped visiting her. People need you in times of trial. Sometimes you have to suck it up, put aside your own worries, and be there for your friend or family member. Sooner or later, it might be you in that hospital bed.

Turner has another message, one he didn't intend. He is an example of someone who, dealing with the worst, is not throwing a pity party. He has faced life head on and dealt with it. He is optimistic but realistic. He is admirable. He's just a good guy. And we're lucky to know him and his story.

Turner said he has learned a lot about life, love and friendships in the past year. He's learned that his purpose in life is to show young people and everybody else that life is a blessing. "Take life's blessings as they come," he said.

You can't spend your life looking over your shoulder, worried about what's coming for you. But you can take moments here and there to pause and enjoy it.

© Copyright 2009 by The Durham Herald Company